"Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future."
— Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child, lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words." William Shakespeare

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." Pierre Auguste Renoir

"Sorrow which finds no vent in tears may soon make other organs weep." Sir Henry Maudsley

"Saying nothing... sometimes says the most." Emily Dickinson

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller

"Motherhood is a state of both the mind and the heart, a sacred place that is yours no matter the distance between you and your child. Not even Death can take it away." Joanne Cacciatore


just some quotes. because i have no words.

Are You Ok?
by Susan M Simpson


They ask if I'm ok,

Which answer would they like?

There's the one that they'll find easier,

Then there's the one that's right.



I could tell them that I'm coping,

That I'm moving on with life.

They'll smile sadly, nod, agree with me,

Not see my inner strife.



But inside my soul is screaming,

It heard that awful lie.

The truth they just don't want to hear,

This pain I have to hide.



My heart, it feels, is broken,

My spirit, that's gone too.

I sense there's no fight left in me,

That went when I lost you.



And this I cannot tell them

There's no words to explain,

And even if there were,

It would only cause them pain.



I can't pretend, I'm not that strong,

It only makes me cry,

Can't say the words to lie to them,

Don't even want to try.



I'm not 'ok' - will never be

Your life changed me, it's true

This sadness that I carry,

Is a mother's love for you.



So when they ask, I'll look at them,

Through eyes that burn with tears.

I won't deny my love for you,

With lies that quell their fears.



There are no words for me to say,

Instead I will just shrug.

And hope that it will be enough,

They'll leave with just a hug.



I know that if they try too hard,

Their words will just hurt more,

Though kindly-meant, they're meaningless

I fight this lonely war.



They'll say 'you'll have another one'

'Just try again', 'you're young'.

'Accept it wasn't meant to be',

'Get over it', 'move on'.



How could they ever understand

This sorrow that I hide,

Sadly, the only way

Is if they ever lost their child.



Other children I may bear,

And happiness might find,

That never will erase the love

For the child I left behind.



So please don't ask if I'm 'ok'

Don't try to comfort me,

The kindest thing to offer

Is a simple 'I'm sorry'.

my sweet wyatt

I Dreamed a Dream

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
... And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

-Les Miserables Cast


it is all so true. i dreamed things would be so much different with him here and with out him here it just isn't. nothing seems right anymore. up is down, black is white. all i want to do is cry. and the man i thought i could turn to, well generally he can be found at hooters or on a date with his mom. how did everything get so discombobulated?

i want it all back the way it was. i want to feel like i fit in my skin. because right now i just don't fit.

i miss this little guy right here..........

i wish i could find some one so good at photo shop they could take away all the tubes and put him in a moses basket. it was what i wanted for him. night, night little guy. i love you!!!

the video is up and Kirsten did such a fantastic job. it is just so beautiful. Say Their Names :: 2011
click on the above link to check it out. thank you again Kirsten, what a beautiful heart you have.

To speak the name of the dead is to make them live again.~Egyptian Tomb Inscription

Say Their Names :: 2011

 

In honor of National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day October 15, 2011 Today we remember the babies we love and lost too soon. Today we say their names out loud. We will always remember.

 

some other remembrances:

For the little girls who will never spin around in frilly dresses, or take a ride on their daddy's shoulders...
For the little boys who will never play in their first tee-ball game, or snuggle on the couch with their mama...
For the little babes who left us before we even knew your gender, or your name...
Today, and everyday, we love and miss the YOUs you should have become.

 

 

Today, we break the silence...today we remember the precious lives that ended so soon, leaving aching arms and yearning hearts behind...today we remember the dreams we dreamed...today we are comforted, as everyday, in the loving arms of our Father, wrapped in His unending grace. Today, we remember. Please light a candle in memory of these sweet babies today...

 

 

Tiny footprints on a mothers heart: when a baby arrives be it for a day, a month, a year, or more. Or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment, the fragile spark of a tender soul, the secret swell of a new pregnancy. The gold fish flutter known to you, you are unmistakeably changed....the tiny footprints left behind on your heart. Bespeak your name as mother♥

 

 

There are about 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. every year
*900,000 to 1 million of those end in pregnancy losses EVERY year.
*More than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage (occurring during the first 20 weeks). *Approximately 26,000 end in stillbirth (considered stillbirth after 20 weeks) *Approximately 19,000 end in infant death during the first month.
*Approximately 39,000 end in infant death during the first year.
.....Over 1,000.000 parents with empty arms in just the United States alone.
Break the silence. Pregnancy and infant loss awareness.

 

 

MYTH: Losing a baby is very uncommon; it won't happen to me or someone I know. TRUTH: 25-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, over 60 babies are stillborn (die after 20 weeks) every single day (in the US alone), and over 20,000 babies die each year (again, in the US alone) in their first year of life, many after being born prematurely. Learn how you can help at www.iamtheface.org. ♥

 

 

I am 1 in 4 women who will lose a baby. Pregnancy and infant loss is not something that just happens to "other people"; it can (and does) happen to anyone--your neighbor, your sister, your coworker, your friend. Me. To find out more about this common, yet incredibly taboo issue, please visit www.iamtheface.org. ♥

 

i just signed up for this and think it is such a thoughtful way for my babies to be remembered on October 15, which is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day.

here is the link if you want to sign up too...

                  Say Their Names





thank you kirsten for taking time out to remember my babies this year.



wyatt, ethan, mary, & my little brown stars i miss you all so very much.