i found this piece here http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/2011/07/little-wounding.html a long time ago. i've been meaning to post it but my world got all swirly. but it really spoke to me about pain and loss and the nurturing we need from others. it is a lovely piece.

"I desperately needed aid as my brain felt increasingly scrambled and I lost the sense of space and time. I kept insisting I didn't need aid despite my helpless predicament.
Some insistent, nurturing intervention from caring others put me horizontal
A cool cloth to my head and all the time I needed to reground myself helped me

Then, and only then, the shattering pain lambasted me.

The pain radiated from every nerve cell The pain was literally paralyzing. I could not move. I could not think about anything but the pain. I don't remember much other than the pain.

Slowly, the pain began to ease. I noticed, though, that it would ease, then increase again. Ease, then increase again. This happened quite a lot, and I was mesmerized by this pattern. Very, very gradually, the moment of "unpain" grew longer. The moments of pain, shorter.

The things that were once so effortless and manageable now present significant challenge.

I'm protective of my injury, aware of its constant presence.

And of course, there will be a lifelong scar to remind me...
while physical wounds are quick to heal, the emotional ones are enduring, visible to us, often invisible to others"

go read the whole story here http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/2011/07/little-wounding.html.

just thought i'd share.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me!"Look at what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky... ~Hafiz

my son & his cousin. 
think they may be talking to angels. 
maybe a few of my own.

Dancing in the Minefields w/lyrics (on screen)

i am sad today.
and a little weepy.

there is no longer a we.....
there is just a me.

i am dancing in the minefields alone.


 "We're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me
'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you"
~Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson

"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."
— Yann Martel (Life of Pi)

World Autism Awareness Day.

"You know how every now and then, you have a moment where your whole life stretches out ahead of you like a forked road, and even as you choose one gritty path you've got your eyes on the other the whole time, certain that you're making a mistake."
— Jodi Picoult

been having these moments for a couple of months now....
sometime life is hard & pointy, just like those forks in the road.
personally i prefer spoons all rounded with soft edges.
waiting for my spoon in the road.

paula

"There are moments when i wish i could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but i have a feeling that if i did, the joy would be gone as well. So i take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever i can."
— Nicholas Sparks

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on."
— Nicholas Sparks