dreaming with a broken heart... & pooh

totally borrowing the title from a song by john mayer. but it's true, i am dreaming with a broken heart. though, in my case, the waking up isn't the hardest part. the dreaming is. my dreams, so far, have just not been pleasant.

so, i had a dream i forgot to feed the baby. no real chance of that happening, huh? and in it wyatt was reaching for his grandma and trying to get away from me. this is not the first dream i have had about him but like the other's it wasn't a "good" dream or a dream that left me feeling at "peace", like everything was ok. in all my dreams so far, i have been failing in some way or the other. in some, i can't find him. in others, i don't have the things he needs. and, still in others, i can't save him from the "bad" people who are trying to take him from me or can't seem to get him to want to stay with me. i wonder what this says about me? unfortunately, i am afraid i know. :( so most of the time, i just take my happy pills, so as not to dream AT ALL!! i wish i could get to the peaceful visit you in your dreams part of this. fingers crossed i get there soon.

anyway, pooh has some very thought provoking words to go along with dreaming.

"I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time." —  (Winnie-the-Pooh)

oh, how i wish we could be together all the time. but i guess if the only way we can be together is in my dreams, i will take them good or bad.

and in the words of my loving mother, she "THINKs POOH IS A REALLY SMART FELLOW".
(you will have to excuse her screaming at you. i just copied and pasted this from f@cebook and this is how she types (she is gettind old and can't see the letters if she doesn't type in all caps, haha)

so here are some other poohisms.......

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." — (Winnie-the-Pooh)
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”(Winnie-the-Pooh)

 

"Sometimes,' said Pooh, 'the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." — (Winnie-the-Pooh)

 

 "I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true" — (Winnie-the-Pooh)

"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day." — (Winnie-the-Pooh)

"The things that make me different are the things that make me." — (Winnie the Pooh)

that last one is just for me......i read other blogs and feel so unexceptional. others out their are so eloquent and seem to have such an understanding of their grief, or at least the ability to put it in to words that others can understand. i do not have this ability. so i stick to my quotes and expand on them, almost like a prompt. but you see that's the thing, "The things that make me different are the things that make me." — (Winnie the Pooh), that's just me. i am not a writer, never wanted/professed to be one. this is just my journey, my way of working all this out, my tail, if you will. and in the words of eeyore "It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it."

to anyone out there still reading this.....

hope you have a peaceful weekend.

paula

dear sweet baby of mine, hope to see you in my dreams. i love to see you, no matter what. i will you forever and always.
family sandwich time,
mommy