i was on bed rest at this time last year. i remember listening to the fireworks going off and worrying about my baby but hoping everything was going to be ok. it wasn't/isn't. we went to my bil's last night and their house was where i laid this time last year. and the memories just flooded over me. and the knowing that it should be different this year, that i should be holding my baby in my arms instead of in my heart. my husband didn't even flinch. hell i wonder if he thought/remembered it at all. probably not. i wouldn't ask though, because i would hate to open that can of worms.
this year. these milestones. they don't seem to get any easier. they just seem to keep getting harder as i trudge on through. Wyatt's 1st birthday is coming up and i don't know what to do with that. my living daughter's 15th birthday is that same day and how do you incorporate the two. it is all just so hard.
this was the
Faces-Of-Loss-Faces-Of-Hope f@cebook status today:
Thinking of all the little girls and boys who should be running around today wearing red, white, and blue. ♥
and i am. thinking that is. i should have 5 more. and i don't. and i wish i did. i miss all my babies today and everyday for that matter. if life had only turned out differently. where would i be today?
took wyatt some pinwheels to his place for the 4th and felt bad because my other babies don't have a place of their own to take them things. that is now on my list of things to do. but here are a couple of photos...
wondering if heaven has fireworks? and if they do if he would be like my other babies and hate them because they were just to loud.
paula
cover your ears little buddy. mommy misses you and loves you so. family sandwich.
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