One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)
still feel so broken most days.
missing my baby like crazy.
ready for christmas to be over.
i look back at what i just wrote and it shows just how i feel. i am a bunch of short, choppy sentences. broken and cut off, not fully realizing their potential. we had so much potential, my baby and i, but we were cut short. now i am left broken and feeling cut off from what i know should and could be.
do i go to holidays at the in-laws and have my heart ripped out again? do i sit through the torture of watching a baby boy be passed around like mine should have been last year? or...... do i suck it up and go, so that i do not let down those i love and hold most dear?
them or me, them or me. it seems like a battle i can't win. so i guess in the end it boils down to what will hurt the most?
i just don't know.
but i think i do.
but i don't ....
paula
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