friends

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." ~Henri Nouwen



“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~unknown


i have never had many people i call "friends", to be perfectly honest for the longest time i have only had 2. i am now down to only 1. but i am ok with that. this person, this 1  friend, is everything these 2 quotes describe and more. i also work with her everyday and couldn't be happier about that. i feel very lucky to have her in my life. i just don't know if she realizes that or how to go about conveying that to her. so i am having a good day and it is thanks to her. i hope your day is just as good. much love to you all.


paula
 

hugs

a hug for all the grandparents out there......who experience this loss in their own way...... sometimes i think they are forgotten.

this is what my mom posted on fb today......

IN A "I MISS WYATT DANIEL FUNK", JUST WANT TO CRY AND CRY; SOME MIGHT THINK YOU WERE JUST THE GRANDMA; AND MAYBE THAT'S A BIT OF THE FUNK, HAD SUCH A "BEAUTIFUL" DAY YESTERDAY WITH, GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT GRANDCHILDREN; BUT MY HEART KNEW SOMEONE WAS MISSING.

i love my mom and hate that she is hurting too.

paula

Talking to the moon

great song..... have a listen



paula

"Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry Wyatt. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"
— Audrey Niffenegger (The Time Traveler's Wife)

Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

i miss him sooooo much.


i went back to work this week and it has been pretty good.

but......i ran into my first pregnant teenager today and my heart just broke all over again. how do these children get to bring children into the world and i have to fight so hard to do it.

it is just not fair, but then again, who said life was fair, right??

i didn't cry though, almost, but i held it together.(it seems that is all i do these days 'hold it together')

i don't know...life just seems so hard sometimes.

my hubs and i celebrated 15 years together yesterday. it hasn't been easy, but we've decided it must be love. and it is, i totally love my babies daddy. he's not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

hope you have a wonderful weekend.

love to you all.

paula

i love giveaways!!!

go over here http://tatertotsandjello.blogspot.com/2011/02/giveaway-two-sodderbug-custom-charm.html to check out there latest giveaway. they have some great stuff...

i would love to have this made in memory of my wyatt

custom soldered charm.

stop by and enter to win.

paula

tough day

today was my first day back to work since being put on bed rest for wyatt. it has been 8mths. it wasn't horrible.

today also marks 6mths since wyatt left us.

shockingly i have only "almost" cried 3 times. i am proud of me. way to hold it together momma.

"What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us... memories too beautiful to forget." ~Unknown~


it has been 6mths. since you left us. not a day goes by that i don't think/miss/love you. but i am so thankful that "your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget."

times when i know i am not alone in the way i feel...... when hubs asks why everyone on tv is pregnant and why are there so many babies. i forget he hurts too.
and now i can no longer watch grey's. i am running out of quality tv.
plus a stupid boy was making dead baby jokes at my daughter's school today....she hurts too.(and like h.s. doesn't suck enough)
and my 10yr. old son made us a family on his wii baseball and he has a wyatt avatar but wyatt's eyes are closed, because that's how he remembers him.... again the hurt.
and all of this hurt is my fault (well, at least my body's fault) and now there's the guilt to go right along with the hurt.

paula