monkey mind

"I am burdened with what the Buddhists call the 'monkey mind' -- the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

ok so here is the thing, i like random stuff....
quotes, music, useless facts.....
i am a lover of words and an information junkie....
and when i saw the above quote i thought it reflected my mind...
a lot of the time it is just wyatt, wyatt, wyatt
and then other times it just wants to fling poo and spout off randaom, useless facts....

so here is a little something for you....

the statue of liberty's finger nails weigh about one hundred pounds apiece.
and
about 167 billion pieces of mail are delivered in the united states each year
according to one of my favorite books

The best book of useless information ever: a few thousand other things you probably don't need to know (but might as well find out) [Book] by Noel Botham, Useless Information Society in Books

 

"The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position."
— Leo Buscaglia

paula

Joss Stone - Security - Lyrics On Screen

"Security"

A loss that would have thrown
A hole through anybody's soul
And you were only human after all
So don't hold back the tears my dear
Release them so your eyes can clear
I know that you will rise again
But you gotta let them fall
I wish that I could snap my fingers
Erase the past but no
You cannot rewind reality
Once the tape's unrolled

[Chorus:]
If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain
I will help you put the pieces back
A little more each day
And if your heart is locked and you can't find the key
Lay your head upon my shoulder
I'll set you free
I'll be your security

A moment of despair
That forces you to say that life's unfair
It makes you scared of what tomorrow may bring
But don't go giving into fear
Stop hiding all alone in there
The show keeps going on and on
But you'll miss the whole damn thing
I wish I had a crystal ball to see what the future holds
But we don't know how the story ends till it's all been told

[Chorus]

On any clock upon the wall
The time is always nowSo baby kiss the past goodbyeDon't let the future blow your mind
Just sit back and chill
Take things as they come
You can't be afraid
To live for today
I will be with you each step of the way

[Chorus (2x)]
ok, so here is the thing......
i hate the chorus of this song...
 or in reality, just the part i crossed out, in relation to baby loss
but, otherwise,(i think i was just redundent, oh well) i think this is a beautiful song.
i think it is beautiful in how it relates to the whole baby loss community....
i know sometimes this....this THIS can feel so isolating
and it can make you feel so alone
and sometimes husbands can let you down (and make you want to punch them in the balls)
and sometimes society at large can let you down because they just don't get it.
but i wanted to put this out their for all of the women struggling in baby loss land
i think this community is so supportive and just there for each other and i want to thank you for being there for all who continue to come....

feeling kind of mushy today.
thanks for all the great comments from yesterday's post.
sometimes my husband can be a complete douche (but that is a post for another day)
and it is good to know that there are people out there who care and understand and just "get" it.

love to you all,
paula

dear husband....

my husband suffers from an extreme case of emotional constipation....
and it makes me want to punch him in the balls!!!!


anybody else dealing with this????


paula

i wonder....

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
-Kenji Miyazawa

i found this quote and it made me wonder.........
i must need a lot of fuel. and this journey must be quite the undertaking. because good lord, the pain in my heart does not cease and i wonder if it ever will.

my babes got their report cards yesterday. we had straight A's and A/B honor roll, woohoo!!! momma was so proud.
but.......
that got me wondering.....
i wonder if they have report cards in heaven.....
i wonder how my 16yr. old (mary), my 12yr. old (kendall) , my 6yr. old (chandler) are doing.....i hope they are making mommy proud. and on the same note....
i wonder if there is preschool...
i wonder if my 5yr. old (ethan) is being naughty or just mischievous or if he is a good boy, like his brother is.
i wonder if they have nurseries......
is wyatt getting all the love and attention that (i think) he needs....

i wonder if in heaven if everyone still has their own personalities.....
what would the personalities of all my children be....
i know wyatt already had a few strong personality traits in his short time here and he made them known. :)
i wonder about everyone else.
i think i remember ethan from his ultrasounds and he was pretty playful and rambunctious.
but i was just wondering...........

who knows....

it is funny......
all of a sudden i am wondering if i am spelling "wondering" right. and if i am, isn't it a neat little word.

the wonder of it all......
my babes near and faraway.....
the faraway.....

i wonder....

paula

to all my babes,

mommy misses you all sooooo much. i hope you all know just how much i love you. i hope you have everything you would ever need. and i hope you don't know the want that i have for you. that is something i hope you never have to know. until we are together again....it's family sandwich time. i love and miss you.

xoxo,

mommy

birthday card etiquette

had to sign a birthday card today and was at odds at what to do. do i sign wyatt's name or do i leave it off. i left it off. but somehow i feel like that was some sort of betrayal. that in some way by not adding his name it made him less?? idk the next card i just signed with the keith family and that is probably how i will sign all cards from here on out. but it just made me sad.:(

found this quote on fb and liked the end.......

take a chance and never let go~risk everything ... lose nothing~don't worry about anything anymore~cry in the rain and speak out loud~say what you want and love who you want~be yourself and not what people want to see~NEVER blame anyone if you get hurt~Because you took the risk and you decided it was worthwhile~

i took the risk and it was totally worthwhile and i would do it again.

dear wyatt,
mommy misses you so much sweet boy. i hope you know you are thought of every day. even more so we i am with you brother and sister because they would have been so great with you. and i hate that you are not here to love and squeeze on. i wish you could be piled into bed with us at night watching movies and being silly. i can't wait until we are reunited some day. i love you, i love you, i love you.
xoxo,
mommy

Be ok

today was an ok day......

Bette Midler - Baby Mine (HQ Music Video)

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine
If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you
From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine

missing you so much tonight sweet little one, rest your head close to my heart and sleep good, baby of mine.
love you to the moon and back my sweet baby boy.
mommy