well, sil is already posting on fb to the boyfriend about the new baby.....she just got deleted... as to not have to be a party to that any more.
dh and i are in a weird place....and we have been here for a couple of weeks now.....
started when a female co-worker of his got let go....... and we got into an argument over how upset he was over said termination........and later he proceeded to tell me in the 15yrs. we have been married he has never really loved me but has stayed because he has no where else to go...........
he later retracted said comment but it is just not right between us now.......
(sometimes his emotional maturity is that of a teenager in the "i hate you" and "you are so mean" kind of way)
and now this......
when i told him i would probably be declining any family get togethers for awhile, he got upset and told me i didn't have to act this way.
i"m sorry, yes,yes i do. for my own sanity and family peace, i do. i just wish he understood. and if another person even hints at the notion that i should feel sorry for a 30yr. old woman who got herself into this predicament.....they might get punched in the genitals also (along with husband and life)......hello !!!! when you are single with three kids and on food stamps and have made it blatantly clear you do not want to have more kids, it is called birth control, dumb ass!!!! in any form you can find it....in fact why don't you just go ahead and double up on that stuff....just to be sure.
all of this is to say that i am sad :(
and unfortunately life as i know it does not seem to be getting any batter.:( :(
wish it would...
i miss wyatt.
"And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore."
— Anne Lamott (Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year)
paula
dh and i are in a weird place....and we have been here for a couple of weeks now.....
started when a female co-worker of his got let go....... and we got into an argument over how upset he was over said termination........and later he proceeded to tell me in the 15yrs. we have been married he has never really loved me but has stayed because he has no where else to go...........
he later retracted said comment but it is just not right between us now.......
(sometimes his emotional maturity is that of a teenager in the "i hate you" and "you are so mean" kind of way)
and now this......
when i told him i would probably be declining any family get togethers for awhile, he got upset and told me i didn't have to act this way.
i"m sorry, yes,yes i do. for my own sanity and family peace, i do. i just wish he understood. and if another person even hints at the notion that i should feel sorry for a 30yr. old woman who got herself into this predicament.....they might get punched in the genitals also (along with husband and life)......hello !!!! when you are single with three kids and on food stamps and have made it blatantly clear you do not want to have more kids, it is called birth control, dumb ass!!!! in any form you can find it....in fact why don't you just go ahead and double up on that stuff....just to be sure.
all of this is to say that i am sad :(
and unfortunately life as i know it does not seem to be getting any batter.:( :(
wish it would...
i miss wyatt.
"And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore."
— Anne Lamott (Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year)
paula
Hang in there, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I find myself angry when I learn of unplanned and unwanted pregnancies..it's just yet another reminder that life is so not fair. I hope things get better between you and your husband, it's never easy when you're not on the same page, and some of those words he said to you are very hurtful--keep your chin up.
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray that you and your husband can find your way to a better place. Loss is a terrible thing, and it can put a strain on even the best of marriages. Sending you love and strength!
ReplyDeleteI know it must be difficult but please don't stop fighting for everything that you want. You deserve great things in your life and I pray that they find you soon.
ReplyDelete