"All morning I struggled with the sensation of stray wisps of one world seeping through the cracks of another. -- Margaret Lea" — Diane Setterfield (The Thirteenth Tale)

i work with an awesome lady, who i also call a friend. but in theory she is also my boss. and i cried in front of her today at work. i hate that. i also hate that i am so tired.....emotionally, physically, and spiritually. i hate that i feel so alone, so isolated, so by myself.

i was on the verge of tears most of the morning and then the rest of the day. i think part of the reason is "All morning I struggled with the sensation of stray wisps of one world seeping through the cracks of another." wyatt is so much a part of me that sometimes it just feels unreal that he is not here. sometimes when i think of him, it pulls me up short, when i realize he's not here. oh, how i wish he were here. the other reason for the tears, i realized later, his day is in 2 days. he will be 8 months. i miss him, but sometimes it is like the dreams i have, where he is here with me but i just can't seem to find a way to get to him. almost like a thin veil separates me and him. maybe that is it, maybe it is only a thin veil that does seperate us and he is closer than i think.

i think i will go to sleep with that thought.

and this one...

i wish he was here.

paula

my precious wonderful boy,
are you with me through out the day? is that why you feel so close? i miss you. i love you. words will never get it just right, the way i feel about you.
xoxo
mommy