sweet, sweet boy i miss you so much and i want you here. to hug and to nurse and to clean dirty diapers. i had asked for one of your dirty diapers to keep at the hospital like half way through your stay and everyone thought that was sooo weird. what i wouldn't give to have gotten to keep that stupid dirty diaper. to at least have that piece of a memory of you. oh wow i miss you so much. it hurts!!!
and i can't seem to find my holiday spirit. i guess it would be considered lost like i lost you. what a stupid phrase that is ... i didn't lose you, i know just where you are. i guess my holiday spirit is there too. i am sooo sorry. i feel like i have let everyone down especially you. if my body would have just done what it was suppose to do. if i had taken the bed rest a little more seriously. if i had found better doctors, asked more questions. what would it have taken to make this right??
you should be here with me right now...i shouldn't even care about typing on a stupid blog. i should be caring for you....busy with you. instead i have farmville. i hate this but i love you and i would not give back even 1 day that i spent with you. i wish i had spent more time, i wish i had known our time was so short. i wish a million things. i wish for you back with me where you belong.
i will love you until the end of time,
mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment