i don't know how to move on. i seem stuck. i can't go back to work, i can't seem to find happiness. i laugh, i smile(well sometimes), i joke. but i just can't seem to pull myself out of this fog. i miss you soooo much and since losing you i miss your brothers and sisters so much more. it is like the sadness of it all just ways me down. it makes me hurt all over. i just can't seem to move on.

but i will, i have too, if nothing else to honor you and your brothers and sisters. and to be there for you brother and sister here on earth. i do not know what the future holds, but i do know it will be a future where i help other people like me in honor of you.

i miss you baby boy, i wish you were here with me in my arms instead of in my heart, i love you.

mommy