had to go to our first christmas gathering today....and i say that like it was a big deal. it wasn't. but it still sent me heading for the hills after only 2hrs. completely and totally spent. how is that possible?
the gathering today was an uneventful and enjoyable time. though i still left feeling empty and hollow. but maybe that is just how i feel all the time.
all this is not to say, that there was no pressure involved. i can always make myself feel pressured. whether it be real or imagined. i mean getting dressed alone is a major life event for me.(self conscious on top of everything else makes for a real mess of a human being.) i still have jello belly (even more so than usual) from being 6mths pregnant and i can't stand for anyone to be able to see a single roll.(i would rather wear a tent then have that happen) and i don't know about the other moms out there but its been 4mths. and i still can't manage to apply eyeliner or really fix my hair(or feel good about myself for that matter) so i wear a hat with everything. which i know my husband doesn't like, so that in turn makes me feel bad about myself (its a viscous cycle) but i don't know, it just takes more energy than i have to fix myself up.
and fyi with that i still haven't even left the house yet!!
all this to say being sad is depressing and life after loss is exhausting!
paula
It definitely is. :( Be gentle with yourself and know you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. XO
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