mad!!!

i am just so mad....at everything i guess. but right now my singular focus, is on the fact that we didn't get any of the beautiful pictures of you, that i see on other sites. those beautiful pictures that we should have had with you. no pictures of me or your dad or your brother or sister saying goodbye to you. no sweetly posed photos or photos of you dressed and ready to go. no photos of you outside of your isolate. whose fault this is .... i don't know. though there is that ever nagging tingle in the back of my mind when they said it was because there were no social workers there on saturdays. so it is not bad enough you died but i guess we picked the worst possible day for you to do that on. and the part that makes me maddest of all,  is there will never be another chance to take these photos. there will never, ever be another photo opportunity with you. and well that makes me mad and sad and it makes want to cry some more for ALL that was lost, but not lost because lost implies it can be found and none of this can be found or returned to me....i am just so mad. but not at you, never at you, all i ever will be is simply in love with you.

mommy